hey:)
on a whim today i decided i wanted to write on here. i always forget i have this outlet to maybe shout into the void about my life and maybe sometimes it isn't even music related but here we are.
i'm watching the kardashians right now as i write this. i'm home in ohio for the week because we just had the total solar eclipse yesterday. it was so cool, much cooler than i really expected it to be. i knew it would be exciting but seeing it with your own eyes is definitely a whole different experience. i can't really even describe it, truly its a “you just had to be there” moment. my aunt was here, too. i love getting to see her because she lives out of state now. i love being home, though. i decided to accept this fact last semester after being away for so long. i feel like some of my friends in new york are so adamant about not going home that it made me feel like i needed to enjoy being in new york and being away from home but at some point i just decided that i do love being home and accepted that there's nothing wrong with that. i just love my bed and hearing the birds outside my window and driving my car around my town. i love living life here and i love living life in new york. i'm aware of what a luxury and privilege it is to go to school in new york but i also feel like there's still space for me to say i feel isolated and alone there sometimes. even around all those people who live in the city i still feel alone. but i also feel alone in ohio sometimes, too. so it's not exclusive to one place or another. i've learned to accept that sometimes i feel alone and i'm trying to embrace that more and more as i get older.
speaking of getting older, i turned twenty this past week! everyone asked me if i felt any older and my answer was always no. nothing really changes from the day before my birthday versus when it's my actual birthday. i don't know if that's just me or not, but in my head i'm like what's the difference? i do love my birthday, though. i have never been one to turn down an opportunity for attention on me (lol). my friends and i went to dinner at our favorite italian restaurant in new york and then to karaoke because i love to sing (we knew this already). so yeah, i would say it was a pretty good birthday celebration. on my actual birthday i had classes and then i went to a bakery in soho and got my favorite cake slice and a sandwich with my best friend. we watched the hustle (i think that's what it's called, it's the movie with rebel wilson and anne hathaway), i thought it was funny. i also love a good sandwich. good days were had. i am also so excited for the summer. my two closest friends and i are going to cabo. i've never even been out of the country before. i am very very excited. i am just looking forward for the warm weather, for the sun to be out, and to run around without a care in the world.
all in all, i feel good. the weather is changing and the seasons are changing and that excites me. i feel inspired. hope you guys are all well and good.
all my love,
ben
in terms of music, i'll leave that for a later day ;)