hey guys, checking in :)


Honestly, I'm just writing here because I'm bored, and I have some things on the horizon that I am excited about. I wanted to come on here and check in with myself and you all. How are you? Are you taking care of yourself? For my United States babies, did the time change mess you all up like it did me? Seriously, though, I have been so tired these past few days since the clocks changed. I think once we get to the weekend and I do not have class anymore I can like reset my sleep schedule a little bit and like fix it if that makes sense. As I'm writing this my Grammarly that I use when I write papers (college student here) keeps trying to correct me because I'm writing more informally than normal lol. 

I'm going back home soon. I've been living in New York since mid-August. I feel like this might be the longest I've been away from my home with my family in my life, which I guess I should get used to. Last year (my first year of college), I was honestly so homesick that I went home very often (among other reasons that I won't get into here), so this year is different but I wanted to challenge myself and not go back home for a while and see how I did. I think I've done pretty well! All that aside, I am very excited to go back home for a bit and relax in a more peaceful and quiet place where I can be truly alone with my thoughts because I never really feel alone here. This has its pros and cons, for obvious reasons. I feel like, in never really feeling like I'm alone, I never really have time to get in touch with the deepest depths of my thoughts, which is where a lot of my songwriting came from (especially when I was writing Heaven, The Afterlife). This doesn't mean I don't feel lonely ever, because I definitely do sometimes, which is a little scary to admit but whatever. It's interesting to see how I can feel lonely while never feeling like I'm truly alone, I think that's an interesting juxtaposition. 

I also haven't really been writing that much since I moved back to New York in August, which makes me a little sad, but I'm not necessarily kicking myself over it. I've written a handful of things here but, for some reason, it's been more challenging recently. As I'm writing this, I'm listening to some of the new stuff I've been working on, which is funny considering I just said I haven't been writing as much but whatever. I've just had writers block at some point thats stumped me for a few weeks at times. But the stuff I have written I am very confident about (you'll hear some of it soon enough). I'm taking a course about songwriting which has surprisingly been really helpful in honing in on my craft as someone who writes songs. In my head, I've always been one to sacrifice a rhyme here or there to really make sure I can convey how I (or the character I've created) is feeling. With the help of this course, though, I've been able to take new routes in figuring out how to convey what I'm feeling while still sticking to the common rules of song construction, which is really nice. I've always found songwriting to be a therapy for me, as I'm sure any songwriter could relate, so any chance I do get to write I try not to get lazy and take for granted. It's hard though, coming off of the high of releasing my first ever full-length album. Some of the songs on Heaven, The Afterlife I listen to and I think to myself, “How will I ever top that?” I've always thought that (and still think) that Burned It All is, up until I feel like I've outdone myself, my magnum-opus. I wonder if other songwriters can relate to that? Some of the lines in that song, man. “When I'm up in my bed, I'm praying for you and him,” “I wish I could put it into words, but for now I'll go crazy,” and “It's been years of hoping, and praying I could be someone worth loving…” So many hard-hitters in my humble opinion. Hey, I wrote it. Anyhow, some of the new stuff I've made feels really good and really genuine, which is something I always look for when I write, produce, and even record (I find it really important that I listen to myself and feel like I sound like who I am, if that makes sense). 

Balancing school and this what-I-hope-to-be-a career is definitely challenging at times. Obviously I prioritize school over the music of it all, but I find it all comes together in ways I appreciate more so the more I attend the University I go to. It is my major after all. Anyway, I hope I'm not oversharing on here. I realized right before I wrote this that I never really express anything on here other than to promote things or be cryptic. No one really sees these anyway so I'm not entirely concered with the oversharing of it all, I don't really care. Overall, I feel good. I'm not homesick, but it is my time to go home. I've written things, but as of now I have no plan to really release anything because I feel like I'd have to be really crazy to release an album I've worked on for the past three years and then drop another one like four-ish months later. That would be really crazy, right? I'm not sure that's something I could do, but I guess it's possible. Anyway, I should probably go. The tycoon I'm playing on Roblox has been sitting in the background of my laptop while I write this, and I should collect the money I have summed up before it kicks me off for being idle. Much love to anyone reading this, hope you're well and stay that way.

All my best

Ben <3

p.s. If you have any game suggestions on Roblox, let me know.

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